At the end of a long day, it is nice to have a little something just for you. Call it an mental escape or just a well deserved break. Many people find a hot bath to be relaxing. Others might find a long walk to be beneficial. It is just a way to get some peace and gather your thoughts.

My escape is my favorite show...Day's of Our Lives! I have watched this for over 20 years. I tape it each day and watch it right before bed. It is just for me and is my little reward at the end of the day. It helps me to unwind and get lost in the drama of the character's lives.

Do you have a relaxing routine at the end of your day? Also, any fellow Day's fans out there?

Sensuality involves how sight, sound and touch effects the way you feel. It is an awareness of what the senses perceive. The degree of your sensuality is a factor in how you experience life.

This Time ~ This Space has an enlightening article called "Take the Test: How Sensual Are You?". I really enjoyed reading this post and also taking the test. The message I took from it is to try and live in the moment a little bit more.

I have always appreciated beautiful scenery and certain smells. The smell of cut grass will always bring back memories of my childhood. The smell of gas reminds me of boating with my family. The sound of a diesel engine reminds me of my brother-in-law and his family that moved away and are missed. Blue has always had a calming effect on my mood. Certain songs have the ability to change my mood completely. The senses really play a huge part in your life from minute to minute.

On the How Sensual Are You test, I scored a 69. The results say that I have found a good balance between enjoying my senses and keeping my emotions balanced. I am pleased with the results but it has inspired me to try and tap into my sensual side more often. What do you think your score will be?

The sun is shining and the birds are singing. What a beautiful morning to enjoy a cup of coffee and think about the the wonderful day to come. This calm and peaceful feeling lasted all of about ten minutes. Then my little boys started waking up!

Sometimes I wonder if they have a little pow-wow meeting the night before and all agree to wake up in a bad mood the next day. First up was my middle son way earlier than usual. He proceeded to say "Mommmmm" in a whining voice at least twenty times since his awakening. Next up was my oldest boy who is notoriously grumpy in the morning. He didn't let me down and played his grumpy morning bit to the hilt. Last up was Baby D who let out a ferocious howl to let me know that my last sunshine boy was awake.

There are rare mornings where my little angels get up smiling with the son. Today was not one of those precious mornings. However, the birds are still singing and my coffee is still warm. Maybe Mr. Sun and I can talk these little guys into a smile before the morning is over.

If your husband (or wife) was caught up in a mess like New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, would you be able to stand by him/her? The political world has different rules than our normal lives do. I for one, would not be able to play by them.

Fist Full Of Marbles raises this question in a post called "Stand By Your Man":

"I'm sorry but in my opinion when the politician is caught in something of this nature I don't believe the wife should have to stand by his side and act like she's above doing and feeling what every other wife in America would be feeling. That it is NOT okay, that she is ashamed, and even if she chooses to stay with him it will never take away from what she feels at that moment - the desire to be as far away from him as possible at that moment."

I feel very bad for Mrs. Spitzer and the tough situation she is in. She is caught between her "wifely political duties" and being a woman who has been wronged. I wish her the best of luck in this tough predicament. How would you handle this if you were in her shoes?

It is hard to believe that I have already been married for almost 11 years. I started dating my husband when I was in high school so we have been together for a total of 18 years! We have been through so many different stages of life together.

We both love each other very much. That does not change the fact that we go through good and bad times in our marriage. Raising children and the every day pressures of work, money and child rearing can easily affect how we get along.

Telling It Like It Is has a great post on "Keeping the Fire Alive in Your Marriage".

"Relationship experts agree that couples who understand the importance of maintaining and nourishing a healthy friendship with each other have the most satisfying, long-lasting marriages. It is not the responsibility of your spouse to read your mind and make you happy, but it is a relationship trap many people fall into because they are not communicating their needs and feelings properly."

I have found that the rougher times in my marriage have come when we both get too caught up in the daily routine. Every day life has a way of making you forget to put in the proper time and effort towards your spouse. When we both get back to the fact that we are a couple and not just parents, we always get back on the right track. Check out the link above to read the whole blog post, it has some good ideas for sparking your marriage!

It seems as if Ivy and I were both sick at the same time. I wish I had read her post If She's Upright, She's Fine a little sooner because that might have helped! Unfortunately, it would not have mattered too much in the end.

This all started with my son who got the flu which progressed to pneumonia. I got sick next with the flu and bronchitis. My oldest son was the next victim and had a sick birthday weekend. Then it claimed the the worst person possible..... my husband!

My husband is the biggest baby when he is sick. He holes himself away in the bedroom and cannot be disturbed. He is grumpy and acts like the only person that has ever been sick. Yes, I am still annoyed by it and cannot hide that fact. If I got more help when I was sick then it would not bother me so much.

How is your husband when he is sick? I would love to hear that my DH is not the only big baby around.

My hubby and I just got back from a get away in Orlando, Florida. I have to say it was quite an adventure due to the fact that we could have been shot at.

The very first night we were on our way to dinner and witnessed some major road rage. Two men that were right in front of us were out of there cars and going at it. They banged on each others cars, pushed each other, screamed and while doing this they were holding up the rest of us from getting were we were going.

With that being said I looked at my hubby knowing that his face was starting to turn red. I warned him "don't you dare say a word" but do you think he listened? Nope. He stuck his head out of the window and yelled at the men to get back in there cars or he was calling the police.

The next thing I saw was one of the guys walk over and open his trunk and pulled out a gun. My whole life flashed in front of my eyes. I thought we are dead. Luckily, the other guy freaked out and jumped in his car and took off. The guy with the gun took off after him. We called the police and gave them the license plate numbers.

The moral of the story is keep your mouth shut. People are crazy and you never know what they are going to do. I already know this, I can only hope that my hubby learned a big lesson.

Yesterday in the WorkShak, I wrote Does Working From Home Cause Your Marriage Distress?. After writing it, I really started thinking about some important issues. Apparently my husband was thinking about it too and wanted to have a talk last evening.

Our talk went very well and we both were able to express different issues that were bothering us. We cleared the air and both promised to try and make some changes that were needed on both sides. I believe that the issues we discussed are probably some of the most common problems in marriages.

To sum it all up, he feels like I never have time for him and I feel like I never have time for myself. I think a lot of this comes down to "mom syndrome". Moms are pulled at constantly by all family members throughout the day. The kids need something every other minute. The house needs tending to. If you have a job, there is time to devote to it. Even the dog requires something at the most inconvenient moment!

When I do have a moment of peace, I tend to get very selfish and greedy with it! Although I love my husband, I generally don't use that moment to spend with him. I feel the need for space instead after being surrounded by needy little people all day. Is this purely selfish or is it a form of self preservation?

On the flip side, my dear hubby certainly has his share of faults. He is not a talker. He does not like drawn out conversation just as the majority of men do not. This leaves me feeling like he is not interested in me as a person but rather as a care taker of his domain. Why use my precious and rare moments of peace with someone that I don't think is horribly interested in anything I have to say?

During our discussion, we realized that we are in a vicious circle. We are not sure if the chicken or the egg came first. He resents this, I resent that. He acts this way because I act that way and vice versa.

I return to my conclusion that this is a common problem between husbands and wives. Life is so busy and this is especially true when you have young children. Something that my husband and I both agreed about is that we love each other very much. We realize the importance of making an effort not to let life get in the way of US.

If this hits home for you in any way, I urge you to jump out of the vicious circle too. Not only will getting out of the circle of resentments make your marriage happier now, it is also a good investment for the future. One day your children that keep you so busy now will be grown up and gone. What will be left for you then?   

The internet is such a great thing. You can meet people from all over the world. We all teach our children to only chat with their friends or people they know right? Well, I am betting that this couple that I read about today had done that.The title says it all...Couple Cheat On Each Other With Each Other ....

"Adnan and Sana Klaric, a Bosnian married couple, are now getting a divorce. They were both found cheating on each other with each other.

They chatted about their marriage troubles at an online chat room for hours. After getting a glimps of the love they were lacking in their marriage, both decided to meet up for a date. That is when each of them realized they were being unfaithful.

So word to the wise for you college students out there: Be sure to find out if the person you might cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend with is not really your girlfriend/boyfriend."

I thought this was hilarious. Can you imagine the shock when they met face to face? I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall.

Most of us have been in the position where we are ready to throw our holiday decorations out the window due to sheer frustration. Possibly we are inclined to throw them at our spouse?

Decorating can be a lot of fun and a memorable part of your traditions. Yet, when one light goes out, they all go out! Those memorable moments can turn into stressful moments just as easily.

Here is one lady that handles her decorating problems with a great sense of humor (actually, all of her posts are quite amusing). Angela at The "Guga" stage of my life blog tells us about a pre-lit snowman she bought that didn't quite work right in her post "Let's go to ACE".

"After reading the insert, which was carefully tucked into the folded bottom of the box, we realized we had 2 options - take off all the lights and send them back to the manufacturer for a replacement set - OR go buy some lights and get it done NOW.

As I mentioned in the past, Mr. W is retired and his definition of NOW is MUCH different than MY definition of NOW. I would have gone to ACE and purchased the lights immediately (my definition of NOW). Mr. W. has reassured me that he will go buy the replacement set of lights real soon (his definition of NOW)."

I related to this very quickly because my definition of "now" is also very different than my husband's. Luckily, our decorating went off without a hitch this year. However, I do remember  several "memorable moments" from years past where it was not as easy.

Unfortunately, it is a part of human nature to lie. Men and women alike have secrets or "lies" that they keep from each other. Some are quite harmless while others can be more serious.

WebMD.com featured an article from Redbook Magazine entitled 11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep. Well ladies, here they are:

Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you

Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you

Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you

Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important

Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house

Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother

Secret #7: Every year we love you more

Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about

Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive

Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again

Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime

You will have to read the whole thing to get the details of each secret. I personally find #8 to be interesting. I always wondered if my husband just didn't get what I was saying and this article seems to support that. Ummm.... I still think it is a cop-out!

Well it's Friday night and that means date night at my house. The kids get to stay home and my husband and I actually will have uninterrupted conversation. By the time Friday rolls around I am reminded of how much I look forward to my dates.

I read 9 Tips To Maintain A Long Term Relationship at A long Road that I thought were very important....

I have been married with my wife for 3 years already. Prior to our marriage, we dated for 7 years. A relationship that has run for 10 years is long indeed. Looking back on this journey, it’s amazing that we’ve had less than a dozen arguments or a big fight within this long time and we’re still going strong

It’s sad sometimes seeing couples bickering over mundane issues like, ‘where to have dinner’, ‘what color of furniture to buy’ or ‘where to go for honeymoon’. They’re really missing the bigger perspective of what’s truly important.

I hope these personally proven tips will prove useful in building a long term relationship with the one you love. Read more......

My favorite tip he has is the one about holding hands. It will make you feel like you are dating all over again. The little things that make you a couple are forgotten when you are married with children. The little things are also what keep you together in the long run..

Any tips you might have on making your relationship stronger I would love to hear. I am off now to get ready for my big night!

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, right? Wrong, when it comes to a marriage.  Keeping your mouth shut when something is bothering you in a marriage is a recipe for disaster.

We are taught from a young age (most of us, anyway) that you should keep your mouth shut when someone you care about does something that you don't like, and just deal with it... accept them for who they are.  Any deviation from this is considered "being negative", or if you do it more than once, "nagging".  We are also given to understand that it's bad to be those things.

What happens in a marriage where you follow this idea?  You slowly build up this list of things that your spouse does that bug you, but that you don't tell them.  Then, when they start doing something on that list, you mentally say to yourself: "There they go again!  Why can't they just stop doing that crud?"  It gets on your nerves, and over time builds up.  Eventually it can even get to the point that you start identifying them with the behavior that bothers you.

And all of this happens without your spouse knowing what's causing it. All they know is that you get more and more distant and short with them, without knowing why.  This can cause them to become frustrated with you!  And that, of course, leads to you being more frustrated with them, and on and on it goes until someone puts down their foot and stops the cycle.

Stopping the cycle is both easy and hard.  It's easy because all you have to do is actually tell each other what's bothering you.  It's hard because those conversations are hard to have, and can really hurt sometimes, too.  The alternative hurts worse, however... it's the death of 1000 cuts for your marriage.  All the small things build up into a bigger and bigger ball until that ball is big enough to crush you and your relationship underneath it.  The only way to prevent and reverse this is to open up your mouth and talk... really talk.

You should probably prepare yourself for the conversation ahead of time, if it has been a while, because it's likely that deep emotions will come up, and if you haven't prepared yourself, you may react defensively to those emotions, lashing out at your spouse instead of simply letting them know.  It's generally not a great thing to tell your spouse "We need to talk later" too much ahead of time, though... it just makes them imagine what you're going to say, probably imagining the worst, and get pre-emptively defensive, instead of being open to what you have to say.

Speaking of making your spouse defensive, you should be somewhat careful in choosing your wording.  Starting a sentence with "You do x" is generally not a good way to go.  "It really bothers me when you do x" tends to  work a lot better.  It conveys that it bothers you when they do it, rather than implying that it's all them doing bad things.  That's what you want them to understand... you're not condemning their actions, you're just letting them know that it bothers you when they do it.

When you have these conversations, it helps relieve some stress from you immediately (you get things off your chest) and may lead to them changing the behavior that bothers you.  It may even be something that doesn't even matter to them, so it's not a big deal at all to change... they just didn't know before your talk that there was any reason to do so.  If it is a big deal, the fact that it bothers you may still be enough incentive for them to change the behavior.   Some things, however, may just be a part of who they are, and you'll need to figure out why it bothers you and try to deal with that, rather than expect them to change a major part of who they are for you. 

It's helpful to have these talks fairly regularly, but they should be talks, dedicated to this purpose, not just constant criticism.  That just leads to resentment... no one wants to be told what they're doing wrong all the time.  Once a week is fine, or every two weeks... even once a month is probably enough for many couples.  Talking about it regularly helps to keep the air between you clear, keeping things from building up too much.

Two notes to keep in mind:  One, this is two-sided... if only one person is sharing what's bothering them, the other person may start resenting them, and two... you actually have to listen and try to change your behavior.  If you don't really put an honest effort into it, your spouse may feel like you simply don't care about them... if that's not true, you'd better show them.

Keeping your mouth shut can really cause problems in a marriage, so be nice to your spouse and yourself, and open up.

Other articles by Jason:

• How      To Be A Good Dad - 10 Things I Learned From My Father
• 7      Quick Tips On How To Make Your Wife Happy
• 7      Small Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship 

Jason Ivers
http://www.AMiracleADay.com

I am so excited that Jason Ivers from A Miracle A Day will be here tomorrow. He wrote a special post on marriage just for Love Shak readers.

Make sure you stop by and hear what he has to say!

Ladies, for all of these years we have been taking the blame for our lack of sex drive after children. Well I read a blog at Inside Fatherhood called Marriage And Fatherhood Linked To Lower Testosterone that I plan on printing for my husband....

Researchers at UNLV recently found a correlation between the testosterone levels of men and their status as a husband / long term partners and dad.

The studies, conducted by UNLV anthropology professor Peter Gray, are among the first of their kind conducted outside North America to show that hormone levels differ significantly not only between fathers and non-fathers, but also between single men and men involved in long-term marital relationships. These kinds of novel research on hormones and human partnering represent an exciting new advance in the field and represent one of the frontiers of human biology and behavior.

You need to go over and read Bill's (wrote the post) response to this, it had me cracked up. Obviously my husband wasn't used in this study or the results may have been different! Just kidding hun!

We all know how important parenting is and how much time is spent doing for the kids. Have you ever thought about why those kids are here? For most, the story goes like this... you date, get married and then because you are happily married you decide to start a family. When the babies get here life becomes utter chaos and one that is not your own anymore.

When is there time for mommy and daddy? Let's face it, by the end of the day most moms are so tired that we fall into bed hoping not to be bothered until morning. I admit I am guilty of this too. According to an article at Web MD called Bad Marriage, Bad Heart it's time to start thinking differently......

"Marriages and close friendships marked by negativity -- such as conflict and adverse exchanges -- boost the risk of heart disease, according to a new study.    

"Those in a negative relationship were 34% more likely to have a coronary event in the 12 years of follow-up," says Roberto De Vogli, PhD, MPH, a researcher for the study, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

   

Even after taking into account other factors that could contribute to heart disease, such as depression, men and women with negative aspects in relationships still had a 25% increase in heart disease risk over the follow-up period, says De Vogli, an epidemiologist at University College London. "We found the effect is there not only for married people," he says, but also for unmarried people who have negative relationships with close friends."

This article even talks about close friendships. If you have a negative relationship with a friend it can actually shorten your life span. I've had those kinds of friendships and they are a drain mentally and physically. Not worth heart disease and all of the problems that come with it.

My marriage, on the other hand, is worth whatever it takes to be healthy for everyone in my family. When we are not happy the kids are not happy. We have to remember that one day our kids will be grown and on their own and we will be left with each other.

Aunt B on a lawmaker's quest to make presumed shared custody law in Tennessee:

First, if the best interest of the child is always in mind, how easy is it to work “equal time”?  Is it really in the best interest of the child to spend 26 weeks one place and 26 weeks another, divvied up in smaller portions throughout the year?  What if one parent gets a better job in another town?  Isn’t it in the child’s best interest for the parent to take that job?  Would the other parent have to move there as well?  Would the courts forbid the first parent from accepting the job if it interfered with the custody arrangement?

B has a lot of good points about this, but the thing I really can speak to is how hard it can be to fairly divide time. Shuffling kids back and forth between houses is hard. It's hard on the parents, it's hard on the children. Children need to have a place that is stable, steady, and constant.

I know of a couple who has it set up that the kids live in the same house all the time- it's the parents that move in and out of the house every other week. And while that sounds ideal for the kids, it has to be ridiculously expensive, not to mention hard on the parents.

Sure, we want to make the transition easy for the kids in divorce situations, but does it has to be at the expense of the parents?

The biggest problem is, no matter what happens, it's not going to be fair. My ex husband gets less time with my son than I do, technically, but when you factor in all the time he spends at school and his activities, my ex husband has more free time with him. I'm not the type of person to religiously follow the "schedule"- I allow them to spend plenty of time with him.

Is it fair that he spends less time with our son? No. Is it fair that he gets more free time with him? No. There's nothing fair about divorce, but there's nothing fair about life, either. Presumed shared custody grates on me. Someone has to be able to make the decisions instead of always having to come to a consensus.

I've seen lists around the internet of good gifts for Mother's Day, and I've seen a couple of lists about what are not good gifts for Mother's Day. Most of them involve things like, "No household appliances". I could get down with that, unless it's a really COOL household appliance like a Dyson or an immersion blender.

No, my list of things not to get me for Mother's Day is the sort of thing that you find on the "good gifts" lists. Like, flowers. I love flowers when they are outside, and I even like them on the day they are cut, but I'm really not that big of a fan of watching flowers die slowly. It really depresses me. I know I'm weird.

I'm also weird about jewelry. Don't give me jewelry, either, even especially if it's good jewelry. I lose things, so jewelry is not a good present for me. Not to mention, I like to pick my own jewelry. My husband likes gold. I like silver. See the disconnect?

Candy's also a no-go. One word. Diet.

You might think I'm extraordinarily picky, but I do have some good ideas for Mother's Day. I'd like a gift card to the Gap, Old Navy, or any of my other fave clothing stores and a babysitter so I can go shopping by myself. It seems my kids always decide to act their worst when I'm trying on clothes. I'd also like a gift certificate for a massage. A real massage, done by professionals. That just about sounds like heaven right now.

Or, one could always go the route of my dad, who forgot 4 Valentine's Days in a row. The next year he bought my mom a shiny red convertible. Yeah, that was for Valentine's Day, but if you ask me, that sounds like a fine Mother's Day gift as well.

Today I was driving my kids to school and the subject of divorce came up. My daughter was telling me how sad her friend at school is because her father had just moved out of their house. I was actually speechless and didn't really know what to say. I thought about it all day and know that all that my husband and I can do is show our children by example how to be good spouses to one another. This subject sent me looking for a good blog about this and I found one at Blogging Baby called Teaching Children About Marriage. I agree with everything that this blogger had to say...........

"Most of us expect that our kids will some day grow up and and get married, but I wonder how many of us really focus on teaching our kids what marriage is really like. I know that at six Ellie already has her own ideas of Mr. Right and he closely resembles a prince. My husband and I set a more realistic example of marriage, but that is countered by the fairly-tale couples she is exposed to in books and on television. And just because she is a child now, doesn't mean she will automatically adjust her thinking when she reaches the age of consent. I know plenty of otherwise intelligent men and women who are still waiting for that perfect person who will change everything and make them whole."

We teach our kids all of our values, traditions, and morals but do we teach them how to be a good spouse? I know that in my house if my husband and I have an argument there are four pairs of ears listening to everything said. I have to really watch what I say and there have been times that one of my children has asked if we are going to get divorced. It shocks me when they ask because it was just a silly argument over nothing but to them it is very serious. I have learned to control my tongue even when I don't want to. I want my children to grow up and have wonderful marriages and it is my responsibility to teach them how. The best way to do that is to set a good example for them to follow.

Today I took a moment and tried to remember my life before I had children.  It has been over 14 years since the birth of my first son, two years later my second son was born, two years later my first daughter was born, and six years later we adopted our second daughter, as a newborn.  I am tired. I know that most moms out there are tired, but too tired for sex? I read the blog Too Tired For Sex at Mom Squawk, they gave great insight about what is causing us moms not to get the sleep that we need.....

"Women tend to shortchange their health in order to accomplish more in a day.  Women are likely to compromise on diet, exercise, recreation, and sleep in order to meet their other obligations.  Women also tend to sabotage their sleep by drinking caffeinated beverages in order to keep going, or by working or watching TV in that last hour before they turn in."

Ladies, we need to take our lives back. It is time to start taking care of ourselves and it is time to take action and enjoy the best years of our lives. Babies are wonderful but they need to know where their own beds are. Our beds should only be for mommy and daddy.  I found 10 great tips on how to "get busy" with your mate in an article called Sex and The Busy Mom written by Julie Donner Anderson. Lets face it, one of these days our children will be grown and out of the house and I personally want to have a great relationship with my husband.